Relationship violence is a pattern of coercive control that one person exercises to gain power over another. Abusers use physical and sexual violence, threats, emotional insults, and economic deprivation as a way to dominate their partners and get their way.
Healthy Relationships Accordion Closed
Healthy relationships are founded on mutual respect. While no relationship is perfect, the following components are all essential in healthy relationships. These guiding principles can apply to both amorous and non-amorous relationships.
- Respect: honoring differences and treating your partner the way you’d like to be treated
- Trust: being honest and reliable over time, assuming good intentions from your partner
- Communication: talking and listening, using respectful language and setting boundaries
- Fairness: allowing for equality in the relationship, compromising and creating a balance of power
- Honesty: being truthful even when it’s difficult
- Independence: developing your own hobbies and friend groups, giving your partner some space to do their own thing
Find out more here: https://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/
Take a quiz: https://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics/relationship-spectrum/
Is my relationship unhealthy? Accordion Closed
- Does your partner try to control you?
- Does your partner humiliate or talk down to you?
- Has your partner ever hurt or threatened to hurt you?
- Do you feel isolated from your friends or family?
- Does your partner ever pressure or force you to engage in sexual activity?
All of these things can be signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Find out more here: https://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/
If you think your safety is at risk, call 911 or NAU Police Department right away.
Dating and technology Accordion Closed
How is technology affecting your relationship? The rules for healthy relationships apply in all settings. If your partner does any of the following, it may be a sign of relationship abuse.
- Texts you constantly
- Insists on knowing your passwords
- Pressures you to “sext” them
- Tries to control who you are “friends” with on social media
- Uses technology to keep constant tabs on your whereabouts
For more information visit: https://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/
How to help a friend Accordion Closed
First, let them know that you care and that you are concerned. Avoid judging or blaming them for what is happening. Consider asking the following questions:
- How can I be helpful?
- How do you feel about your partner’s behavior?
- How is this relationship affecting you?
- Offer resources if your friend is interested.
- Be a good listener.
Remember to take care of yourself and that you may not be able to “rescue” them from an unhealthy relationship.
For more information visit: https://www.thehotline.org/help/help-for-friends-and-family/
Safety planning Accordion Closed
Take your safety seriously. If you feel unsafe or threatened by your partner, think of ways to protect yourself. It is important to have a safety plan, especially as you prepare to end the relationship.
If you are not comfortable breaking up with your partner at the moment, follow the tips below to feel safer in the relationship. If you are still with the abuser, you should:
- Tell friends or family and get them to help protect you by being around when your partner is there.
- Try not to be alone with them.
- Think of ways to stay in control of the situation; for example, if you are out, arrange another way of getting home rather than going with them, or avoid incapacitating yourself with drugs or alcohol.
- Have an excuse prepared so you can leave quickly if you feel uncomfortable or scared.
- Have a code word or signal that you can use to get friends to help you.
- Memorize or write down the number of the police so you can call them if you are in danger:
- Northern Arizona University Police Department: 928-523-3611
- Flagstaff Police Department: 928-774-1414
- Consider breaking up with your partner over the phone, rather than in person if you are scared of their reaction, or do it when others are around.
After you have broken up with the abuser:
- Have an answering machine or someone else take messages from them if they try to contact you.
- Arrange a safe place to stay where they can’t contact you.
- Talk to someone about what you could do legally to protect yourself from any more violence. Victim/Witness Services of Coconino County can provide confidential legal advice and support.