Focus on what you can control; let go of the rest

With the current political and social climate…well…2020…amirite?  There are many things out of our control that can affect our happiness.

Researchers have found genetics to be the primary driver for happiness. The way you are built helps to determine how you respond to the world around you. However, personal choice and perceptions matter too.

The difference between the two major factors that impact happiness is one is under your control while the other is not. Identify things that are under your control and let go of the things that are not.

It is easier said than done but here are some tips to make it easier to let go of the negativity that surrounds you:

1. Ask yourself: What is causing your stress?

Life can get overwhelming, so it is important to give yourself time to figure out what situation is causing you to feel unhappy. It can be anything from school or work to a challenge with a significant other or your own personal feelings about yourself. Awareness is key in addressing your happiness.

2. Explore your emotions.

After you have determined what is causing you stress, listen to your own thoughts and emotions about those causes. Treat and listen to yourself as you would a good friend. Are your thoughts about the situations positive and self-loving, neutral, or negative? These ideas can be based on facts, opinions,  or falsities. Peel back all the layers and take a look around. Journaling can be especially helpful for some, or find your best listening friend. It might also help to speak with someone at the NAU Counseling Center.

3. Challenge your ideas and beliefs.

Ask your “friend” (yourself), if their beliefs are biased or if there may be another explanation for a situation. Note that it may be difficult to challenge long-held ideas about something, so much so that they can feel factual and true to you although they may just be opinions.

4. Find new thoughts.

Now that you have challenged your previous thoughts and identified those that destroy your self-esteem, replace those thoughts with accurate and constructive thoughts. Instead of telling yourself “I’ve got to get this done, otherwise I will be a failure,” say “This will be tough, but I can get through this.” It all ties back to self-love and treating yourself with kindness. Start changing your inner dialogue.

Although many things may be out of your control, the key is to manage the way you react to these situations. If your ideas and beliefs are causing you to feel unhappy, then adjusting your thoughts about situations and about yourself may be the answer.

To do this successfully, take a step back from your thoughts and observe them from an outsider’s perspective. When you are having negative thoughts, try repeating them to yourself and writing them down in an unusual manner such as in reverse, with your non-dominant hand or even on objects. These exercises can help view your thoughts objectively, almost as if you are the outsider, which allows you to distance yourself from these thoughts and determine whether they are kind or mean thoughts.

Note: On the journey towards improved self-esteem, consider the role of social media. If you find yourself in a negative spiral after viewing fitness models on Instagram while they sip mimosas in Cancun, then unfollow those accounts. Be intentional with your social media and notice how you feel before, during, and after a quick scroll. Make slight tweaks to who you follow digitally and in real life – surrounding yourself with compassionate and supportive friends.

For additional reading on self-esteem visit: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/self-esteem/art-20045374