A common myth is that you need to be hard on yourself to stay motivated. The truth is just the opposite. Self-compassion is actually the secret ingredient to a successful school year.
The school year has started up again and that means new classes, new schedules, loads of coursework, and a big stress level increase.
What comes to mind when you think of the word compassion? For me, I think of the time when I saw a family sleeping under a bridge in the cold. I felt an instant pull to end their suffering, even if in a small way, like giving them some hot cocoa.
Self-compassion is reflecting that desire to end someone’s suffering towards yourself. In other words, it’s like asking yourself, “what would I do if my friend told me about something they were struggling with?” And doing just that for yourself.
Self-compassion is made up of 3 pieces:
- Mindfulness (instead of over-identification). Being mindful means coming back to the present moment, or the “now,” without any judgment. Get curious about what’s going on with your stress levels, your classes, your social life, etc., without judging yourself. When you feel your anxiety rising thinking about all you have to do, come back to the now and notice if your anxiety lessens – it often does!
- Self-kindness (instead of self-criticism). When we turn in an assignment late or forget to do a reading for a class, it’s easy to beat ourselves up for our mistakes. Instead of saying mean things to yourself, acknowledge that you made a mistake and say something encouraging like, “I missed that reading, but I know I can write reading assignments on my calendar and get them done on time moving forward. I am capable!”
- Common humanity (instead of isolation). The next time you feel overwhelmed while studying for a test, remember that you are not alone. It’s easy to feel like you are the only one struggling, but when we remember that other people make mistakes and struggle like us, it helps us be kind to ourselves and persevere through challenges. It also helps us make connections with others (e.g., in a study group or with a friend in the same class).
Self-compassion plays out in the form of self-care. We take care of the things we love. If you can see yourself as someone worthy of compassion, love and care, then this can trickle down to acts of self-care.
Self-care is not selfish. Sometimes, taking time to take care of ourselves gives us the space to recharge and feel ready to hop back into school mode. Here are a few of my favorite ways to take care of myself when I start feeling overwhelmed:
- Journal – Take some time to notice your self-talk. Have you been beating yourself up with that self-talk? Or is your self-talk full of grace and encouragement? For some people it helps to write down thoughts and feelings. Even if it’s just a quick thought-dump onto a scratch sheet of paper, writing things out can feel therapeutic.
- Drink enough water and fuel throughout the day – Nothing is worse than when you combine stress with dehydration and/or hangry. Bring water and snacks for those long days on campus.
- Joyful movement – Moving your body in ways that feel good to you gives your brain a break and releases endorphins, AKA: happy hormones!
- Get quality sleep – Sleep researchers recommend between 7-9 hours of sleep/night for adults. Let your brain and body recharge.
I invite you to think of 2-3 ways YOU can care for yourself this school year. It’s never too late to be kind to yourself!