More and more in today’s society we are being told what we should and shouldn’t do, be, or eat. This is more prevalent now with social media and the labels regarding what is “good,” “bad,” “healthy,” “unhealthy,” “beautiful,” and “not beautiful.”
These labels can cause some harm. As more and more of these labels are being used it begins to define who we are and control us.
It is hard to break away from these labels, but the person who knows you best is…YOU! It is hard to listen to ourselves when all the “noise” in the world clouds our judgement of ourselves.
Sometimes we just need to hear “that it is okay.” So here is a list of things that you may need reassurance with and trust me you aren’t alone in this!
1. It’s okay to prioritize your needs
This looks different for so many people and it can be one of the hardest things to do. Many of us are so used to putting others’ needs above our own or putting school and work and other responsibilities before our own health and well-being.
After years of doing this it can feel uncomfortable when you finally put your needs first and start being more strategic with your “yeses” and “nos”. Just like with any new skill, it gets easier with more practice.
So what does putting yourself first mean? Well it means not pushing your needs aside, and instead being kind to yourself and cultivating that self-love. It means taking care of yourself in every aspect whether that is mentally, emotionally, or physically.
In the end, prioritizing yourself can improve your mental health, relationships, work life, and so much more. Each time you remember to check in with yourself and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” and “What do I need?” it’s a major WIN! When you take care of yourself, your love tank is filled up and you have what you need to serve others.
2. It’s okay to honor food cravings and preferences
It’s normal to experience a craving for a specific food such as doughnuts, salad, cookies, fruit, or soda. Whatever it is, don’t ignore it; it only makes those cravings worse.
Cravings are messages being sent from our bodies and listening to them allows us to honor our bodies and their signals.
Honoring these cravings can help to build a positive relationship with food and yourself.
So, give yourself permission to enjoy the food without a side of guilt. Satisfy that craving in whatever amount is needed and move on with your life.
The guilt trip afterwards isn’t needed, and it may even be making the whole cravings experience much worse. Eat the food, without the guilt, and move on with your day.
3. It’s okay to cry.
A lot of us tend to bottle up our feelings, especially those related to pain, sadness, and anger. We are told to put a smile on our faces and move forward. But how are we supposed to do that if we aren’t allowed to feel all the feels?
Sometimes emotions can be labeled as a weakness, especially when it comes to crying for men. It is not a weakness though. It is a strength.
Instead of running from or trying to escape those negative emotions. Lean into them. Say “hello sadness” or “hello anger”, “what’s up?” Get curious about your emotions. “I wonder why I’m feeling this way?” and revisit what has been going on.
Lean into self-compassion. “It’s okay to feel this way.” Other people who experienced that would likely feel the same. Give yourself permission to experience negative feelings and sit in them. Yes, it hurts, yes it feels sad, and yes, these big emotions will pass. Give yourself a place to process them – a hot bath, a walk, or journaling.
Being able to express your emotions allows you to feel this emotional release and then allows you to move forward. This is what is known as having emotional strength. Having emotional strength takes a lot of courage, but allows you to adapt to change and be less discouraged by setbacks.
4. It’s okay to say no.
Maybe you feel this pressure to do something you may not want to in order to feel accepted. Maybe you are scared of the aftermath of saying no.
That is a valid feeling, but what if I told you that saying no is an important aspect of self-care?
Saying no is a boundary that is okay to set. It allows you to consider your wants and needs and do things you feel comfortable doing. It has a big impact on your mental health allowing you to once again prioritize yourself.
When someone invites you out or asks you to take on something extra like a new club or serve on a new committee, take a pause.
You don’t need to give that person an answer right away. Make your automatic answer, “Let me think about it.” And then do that.
Think about the season you’re in, what you have going on, your core values, and how you want to invest your time and energy. If what was asked of you aligns with your needs and your personal mission statement for your life, then it’s a yes. If not, then it may be a no…and that’s okay!
5. It’s okay to do things you enjoy.
No one should ever make you feel bad for doing something you enjoy or even not doing something because you don’t. As long as what you’re doing is safe and doesn’t directly harm yourself or others, resist the “shoulds” from others.
Maybe you don’t like going to the gym but like dancing, then by all means do it. Whatever you do in this life make sure that it is something you enjoy because it makes going through life a lot more fun. Doing what you love is what can bring happiness.
6. It’s okay to be human.
Being human means making mistakes. Mistakes are a part of life and very much normal. No one in this world is perfect so no one should expect you to be not even yourself.
We sometimes are our own toughest critics and when we don’t do something perfect the way we wanted it to, we can get down on ourselves.
We have the ability to learn from our mistakes, so let’s embrace them and move forward with the knowledge we just gained.
Just think about the way we talk to our friends who accidentally made a mistake and were talking down on themselves. For many of us we would say “it’s okay, it happens, we all make mistakes.” Let’s apply those same conversations we have with friends to ourselves and show ourselves a little grace and compassion.
Life is hard with all these expectations that society has placed on us. However, it is okay to be exactly who you are.
Come on back for part 2 in a few days and tune into our podcast where we discuss the art of setting healthy boundaries.