Have you ever tried on a new outfit at the store, peered at the dressing room mirror, and immediately started thinking of all the things you see wrong with your reflection? That self-critical voice creep ups and beats you down, sometimes when you least expect it. If this way of living sounds familiar, keep reading.
Why is it that we are often compassionate and forgiving of others, but when it comes to dishing it out to ourselves, it seems nearly impossible? Most of us have learned to be kind, non-judgmental and caring to others. When it comes to extending that same kindness and care to ourselves, we opt instead to be overly-critical and harsh.
Self-compassion may be difficult to grasp at first – it takes time and practice to change the way we relate to ourselves. Having trouble finding a place to start? Below are a few ways to start moving from kind-of-a-mess towards self-kindness:
- Practice mindfulness: One important way to quiet that critical voice in your head is to simply become aware of how you talk to yourself. What does this look like in real life? After you eat that slice of pizza and notice the criticism creeping in, take notice of it, be loving towards it and move on. It may seem confusing at first, but the hardest part is acknowledging those feelings and becoming aware of when they arise so that you can begin to comfort those feelings. It’s ok to sit with the discomfort or pain and acknowledge it’s there.
- Speak to your inner child: We all know that children require more tenderness when spoken to, so why not take that approach with yourself? If you are in a situation where you find yourself thinking or speaking negative and belittling comments, think of how you would speak to a child and how they might receive someone who speaks kindly to them. When we show compassion to ourselves like we would children, negative self-talk will lessen.
- Find peace in the imperfect: We are all humans and we make mistakes and have flaws – there’s really no way around it. Why not acknowledge our imperfections by giving ourselves more room to be human? Not only will we find peace in doing so, but we can also find comfort knowing that we are not alone. We are all struggling through something and that is OKAY. The next time we feel like we are struggling with feelings that focus on our flaws, just remember that we are not alone and it’s ok to have imperfections.
Self-compassion can help the mental tug-of-war that occurs between positive and negative thoughts by increasing present moment awareness, recognizing pain and suffering as part of the common human thread, and extending yourself kindness as you would to a friend. As bestselling author Jack Kornfield stated: “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
Make an appointment with a UCAN health coach today to get started on making changes that matter to you! Sign up here: https://app.shedul.com/online_bookings/181667/link
Alysia Jimenez, Health Coach