{"id":68133,"date":"2023-02-09T08:30:13","date_gmt":"2023-02-09T15:30:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/in.nau.edu\/news\/?p=68133"},"modified":"2023-02-20T18:01:16","modified_gmt":"2023-02-21T01:01:16","slug":"how-to-valentines-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/in.nau.edu\/news\/how-to-valentines-day\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Valentine\u2019s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

For Valentine\u2019s Day, The NAU Review<\/em> reached out to Lumberjacks across campus for advice on how our campus community can have the best, most successful Feb. 14. So, whether you\u2019re spending it alone, with friends, that special someone or want nothing to do with the holiday, the below tips may just provide the secret ingredient to the perfect day.<\/p>\n

How to communicate your Valentine\u2019s Day expectations so no one is let down
\n<\/strong>By Mike Bouck<\/strong>, counselor, Employee Assistance and Wellness<\/p>\n

Last year my wife and I celebrated our 25th<\/sup> wedding anniversary. In preparation for our silver celebration, we planned a long weekend getaway to a remote mountain town. A hotel was booked and travel plans were solidified. We were excited to celebrate our relationship and reconnect away from our children, jobs and other responsibilities. Then something unexpected happened. We both got sick. I assumed she didn\u2019t want to go. Plans were cancelled.<\/p>\n

I was wrong. She was hurt.<\/p>\n

In an oft-repeated, if not misattributed, quote, William Shakespeare is purported to have said, \u201cExpectations are the root of all heartache.\u201d They certainly were in my case. So why didn\u2019t I just communicate what I hoped for with my wife and ask her to do the same? Because I was uncomfortable and maybe a little nervous. If I\u2019m being honest, I was scared. Not scared of my wife\u2014she\u2019s a lovely person. But scared of revealing myself to her. Of being rejected. Seems we have some work left to do.<\/p>\n

One of the things we\u2019re working on is saying things to each other that scare us. Standing up to each other and learning to soothe and validate ourselves. Allowing ourselves to make the vulnerable choice to be seen and heard as we are. To listen and see and understand one another. This has created tension, discomfort and sometimes difficult conversations.<\/p>\n

In his book Passionate Marriage<\/em>, couples therapist David Schnarch argues that conflict forces us into what he calls the \u201ctwo-choice dilemma:\u201d 1) Destroy the relationship by placating, pleasing and lying to your partner about what you think, feel and need or 2) do the necessary things that scare you. Risk disappointment, disillusionment and\/or temporary discomfort by being honest, speaking up and self-soothing in the process. And don\u2019t mistake me to mean you forgo kindness. Author Bren\u00e9 Brown says clear is kind. So, this Valentine\u2019s Day, get clear on what you want and communicate that to your partner in a fair, unapologetic and open manner. You can expect discomfort, but only on the front end. You can also expect greater intimacy, sexual passion and feelings of security and self-worth.<\/p>\n

Hear more from Mike at an event scheduled for today:<\/p>\n

\"pink<\/a><\/p>\n

How to not break the bank on Valentine\u2019s Day
\n<\/strong>By Cynthia Gerber<\/strong>, communications coordinator, NAU Communications<\/p>\n

Valentine’s Day\u2014a time for love and affection, but also a time for breaking the bank. With all the heart-shaped balloons, boxes of chocolate and raspberry-flavored lattes, it’s easy to get caught up in the holiday spirit and spend more than you bargained for. But fear not, there are plenty of ways to celebrate and you can have just as much fun being frugal.<\/p>\n